hand.

And I trust in You.

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list.

Snooze. Seven. Dress. Mirror. Words. Coffee Filter. Gather. Pulse. Keys. Clock. Weather. Sky. Voice. Song. Light. Wait. Shadow. Water. Ice. Scripture. Idea. Compost. Tear. Smile. Dirt. Earth. Gum Wrapper. Photo. Map. Beer Bottle. Flower. Peppermint. Fear. Tendency. Hunger. Book. Bored. Meticulous. Volume. Lips. Louder. Electronic. Decision. Enjoy. Question. Answer. Question. Tissue. Relate. Review. Renew. Think. Memory. History. Pen. Mail. Wind. Star. Tea Bag. Shower. Meal. Click. Update. Worry. Comfort. Road. World. New. Old. See. Begin. Attract. Realize. Rhythm.

Again.

plath.

Brought to my attention by a dear friend. It really brings you in.

“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn’t quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”

(The Bell Jar, Sylvia Plath)

history.

The tea kettle just began to boil, this particular kettle doesn’t quite whistle but my ears have become so accustomed to the delicate simmer that it is as clear as a whistle when it is ready for steeping. What a familiar sound- I can hardly stand the thought of going to bed without hearing it, much less enjoying a nice cup of valerian lavender tea before dreaming. And I love my fox mug. It is such a picturesque evening. A perfect breeze blowing in my window- it smells just lovely, and crickets chirping. Spring is here.

I now choose to drown out those calming sounds with some familiar Michigan music to accompany my thoughts as I write tonight.

I cannot stop thinking about Rob Bell’s sermon last Sunday.

“One day the men of the city said to Elisha, ‘You can see for yourself, master, how well our city is located. But the water is polluted and nothing grows.’ He said, ‘Bring me a brand-new bowl and put some salt in it.’ They brought it to him. He then went to the spring, sprinkled the salt into it, and proclaimed, ‘ God’s word: I’ve healed this water. It will no longer kill you or poison your land.’ And sure enough, the water was healed- and remains so to this day, just as Elisha said.” 2 Kings 2:19-22

Curses are made to be broken. Here, Elisha is ushering in an entire new era. A new word can be spoken. History does not decide, it describes. History does not decide, it describes. There is going to be a new day. This is the new day! These words have been resonating in my mind ever since they were spoken over the congregation on Sunday. God is moving, here and now. It isn’t a matter of what happened yesterday, or a year ago, or ten years ago, it is a matter of the present. God is a God of the present. His presence is present. That is what He has been teaching me over and over and over. I can’t seem to totally grasp on to it. I feel like I have been learning just that for well over a year. Reminded and reminded again. It is slowly becoming real to me.

In this 2 Kings scripture there is salt and there is water. Two physical reminders of spiritual realities. God is so faithful! Jesus wants to rewrite our stores and He has freed us to do so, to create new. The salt in this story ushers in a whole new age. This is such a beautiful symbol to me. That is it. It happened. Now something new is going to happen. I choose Jesus. I choose to walk this way.

What I think about the world around me and about myself dictates the way I live. My world “lens” deeply shapes the way I think, trust, perceive, understand, appreciate, react and exist. It matters so much. These things navigate my everyday life. Scripts, patterns, voices, cycles, words, beliefs, narratives, arguments, histories. They all bind me to the past. I allow them to shape who I am instead of releasing all of that and repenting. I want to exercise my mind to think and to comprehend in a whole new way. I want to break out of this mold that has been created around my mind and see new, speak new, hear new, feel new, create new. Hallelujah.

Throwing salt into the water.

Healing and creating new.

“Friends, this world is not your home, so don’t make yourselves cozy in it. Don’t indulge your ego at the expense of your soul. Live an exemplary life among the natives so that your actions will refute their prejudices. Then they’ll be won over to God’s side and be there to join in the celebration when he arrives.” 1 Peter 2:11-12

I am rejoicing in this renewed soul I have been given by my Heavenly Father.

History doesn’t define, it describes.

play day with the kuiper boys!

play day with the kuiper boys!

house.

I have written words on pages since I can remember. I have kept constant journals since I graduated from High School. Just yesterday I pulled out a bunch of journals and was flipping through them. I encountered so many memories from the past; trips to California, time spent in Colorado, troubles, travels, loves, music, family, friends. It was really interesting to see my progression of thought and how my writing has changed over the past few years.

My pen has felt clogged lately- I just can’t quite narrate my days like I used to. Am I not allowing myself time? Space? Even when I have bursts of creativity I no longer reach for a pen and paper like I so often did- I am channeling in other ways. I’m not sure if this is a good or bad thing, it just became apparent to me since I read all of these things from the past. Anyways, those are just random thoughts.

A lot of stuff has been going in Grand Rapids- I feel like I haven’t addressed that in quite a few posts now. WE GOT A HOUSE! Not just any house but THE TREEHOUSE. By we, I mean the girls of the intentional community I am involved in. It is just across the street and down a few houses from the guys house – The Barth Bag- and suits us perfectly. Jaclyn, Deborah and Kristen are moving in this weekend and my move in date is pending on several things. Praying about that. What a gift this house is! It has so many windows and is light inside, we have a prayer cantina and so much space for cooking, crafting and communing together. Blessings, blessings, blessings!

And finally, I decided to go to school. Here is why… Last week Jaclyn, Kristen, Michael, Matt and I went out to a farm to work and learn and help. It was such a beautiful day and the whole time I felt so passionate about learning from this woman, Annie. She was full of knowledge about the earth, how things grow, sustainability, horticulture, etc. I began to pray about how this could be used in my life and by goodness I realized this is what I need to study in school! So Environmental Studies it is! This fall! Hooray! School!

These sunshine days are too wonderful. Thank you thank you!

spring days.

spring days.

poem.

Just for the purpose of sharing such beautiful words…

THE PEACE OF WILD THINGS

When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

— Wendell Berry

tracks.

This is today…

Beginning again. New fellowship. Secret rooms & passageways. Chocolate hummus. Strawberries. Exploring new train tracks. Falling in love with rain. Stepping on fish. Bitter wind. Bridges & birds. Cold feet. Breathe owl Breathe meets The Tallest Man on Earth meets Anathallo. Pages and pages and pages. Words and words and words. Chickens. Piling under quilts. Reading old correspondence. A fox mug. Drifting eyes.

This is where the weather led me…

“As he rose to his feet he noticed that he was neither dripping nor panting for breath as anyone would expect after being under water. His clothes were perfectly dry. He was standing by the edge of a small pool – not more than ten feet from side to side – in a wood. The trees grew close together and were so leafy that he could get no glimpse of the sky. All the light was green light that came through the leaves: but there must have been a very strong sun overhead, for this green daylight was bright and warm. It was the quietest wood you could possibly imagine. There were no birds, no insects, no animals, and no wind. You could almost feel the trees growing. The pool he had just got out of was not the only pool. There were dozens of others – a pool every few yards as far as his eyes could reach. You could almost feel the trees drinking the water up their roots. This wood was very much alive. When he tried to describe if afterwards Digory always said, “It was a rich place: as rich as plum cake.”  (The Magician’s Nephew, C.S. Lewis)